Part III – How the head was chopped and the Bath Powder Kiddo became an Elephant God
As the bath powder kid is sitting on the porch and munching all his treats, the Third-in-Chief at the awful graveyard begins to feel faint stirrings of homesickness. Finally unable to get the image of his wife off his mind, Shiva aka the Destroyer gets up and floats homeward. He arrives with all the eagerness and enthusiasm to meet his wife and who should halt his progress but the little bath powder kiddo on the front porch. Having emptied the larder and yet feeling hungry the kiddo is all ready to kick up a fight with the first divine entity to come that way. And on finding a tiger-skin clad, ash-smeared huge smelly bloke trying to sneak into the bath, the kiddo is more than happy to throw himself over the fakir and grab the tapering end of the long beard.
Finding himself bodily assaulted and refused entry into his own house Shiva flings himself into a terrible rage. Immediately he performs a magic trick and materializes a sharp shiny sword out of nowhere. With a huge swing of his arm he chops the head off the bath powder kid. He then picks up the head, swings it into the air and gives it a mighty kick worthy of Beckham and other kicking legends of the kicking game. And off goes the head into vast universe and gets itself lost amid various gases and orbiting materials.
On hearing the terrified scream of the kiddo as his head is being chopped off, Parvati hastily dresses and hurries out to investigate. On realizing what has happened an angry Parvati flings herself at her husband and starts hollering and crying simultaneously. She calls her husband many things unfitting a vocabulary of the divine. As the Goddess is of Indian creation the crying session includes singing lamentable songs in a woefully pathetic tenor and blowing the running nose into one end of the sari. A frightened Shiva tries to console and placate his wife but to no avail. Hearing the sorrowful vociferations of Parvati all the gods of all orders and trinities come flying and gather around the house watching the scene with gaping mouths.
Finally Shiva concedes to his wife’s demand that the chopped head be retrieved and stuck back in its rightful place. Then begins the biggest headhunt in the entire history of the universe. But in spite of thousands of Lower Order Gods marauding all over the universe and hundreds of Higher Order Gods trying to locate the head with the use of their third eyes and sixth senses the head is nowhere to be found. No doubt one day it will come into the focus (complete with its greasy smile and ogling eyes) of some powerful optical telescope prying into the recesses of a far-flung galaxy in some ungodly corner of the goddamned universe.
Anyway, the unfruitful result of the massive headhunt puts Shiva in a fix now. A suggestion by some unidentified male god that Parvati bathe again and create another head out of the divine bathing powder is refused by an upset Shiva (who suspects the suggestion is not wholly made out of innocent goodwill). Finally after applying all his godly ingenuity over the problem Shiva comes up with what he decides to be the best escape out of a possible divorce. He instructs all the gods to scour the entire universe to search for any being that sleeps facing so-and-so direction. He tells the gods to chop the head of such creature and bring the head the back to him.
The gods are all horrified at this gruesome suggestion but not wanting to be the next victim to the chief lord’s wrath; they all simply nod their heads and go in search. This officially launches the second massive headhunt in the history of the universe.
After searching in vain for a very long time, for the word about the hunt has spread quickly and all the living creatures of the universe, terrestrial and non-terrestrial, have taken proper precautions against falling a victim to the hunt, one Lower Order God sights a creature that does lie facing the precise directions mentioned by the almighty First-in-Chief. On closer inspection the creatures is found to be an unfortunate elephant with death written all over its countenance.
Chop, goes the head!
The bloody head is brought back to and Lord Shiva, with a heave of relief, wedges it awkwardly over the orphaned neck of the bath powder kiddo. Then he force feeds some life force into the trunk of the elephant and lo, the bath powder kiddo comes alive as the Elephant Bloke! The weirdo is then officially declared a god and thus he becomes the Elephant God aka Vinayak!