Part I – The Basic Structure of the Hindu Philosophy

To properly understand the circumstances that lead to the birth of this Elephant God Fella one must have a firm grasp of the rudiments of the religion in which this elephant bloke is considered a god. The religion is Hinduism that has been invented in the Indian Subcontinent quite a few centuries back.

This Hinduism believes in the existence of many gods both male and female. The divine hierarchy consists of an all powerful central Force that is also referred to as Shakthi. This is a female god or goddess, as they say. Under this Shakthi comes the Holy Trinity made of three most powerful gods ever created. The head of the Trinity is a guy called Shiv aka the Destroyer. This guy is a large bloke or so he is described. This guy has a wife called Parvati who is also considered as another form of the afore mentioned Shakthi. This Shiva bloke is not in the least interested in enjoying the pleasures of a family life. He spends most of the time among the solemn dead at the human graveyards. Keeping the ghosts and other general demons under check is his excuse for being there. He is so fond of the dead that he even smears his whole vast self with the ashes of the dead. This guy also has another wife, Ganga, a female river whom he confines to his smelly locks on his head. At the time this story begins this guy has no offspring.

Well, the second bloke is the sly and dodging Vishnu aka the Protector. This guy spends most of the time lying on his favorite snake with his wife Lakshmi, the goddess of gold, playing his personal masseuse. This guy is the source of most entertainment in the epics and philosophies of the Hindu religion. And finally comes the shy, four-headed fella called Brahma aka the Creator. This one is responsible for the birth of all of us, that is, all mankind including Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jains, Jews and even agnostics and atheists whether you believe it or not. He is also the supposed creator of all other varied animate creatures lying under the heavens. The birth of this guy is a miracle of science but are not all gods beyond and above science? Anyway history has it that this guy was born in a lotus. Yes, you read it right, a lotus indeed! And not any lotus that grows in filthy marshes full of human waste, but in that blessed lotus that has sprung, god knows how (pun unintended), from the divine naval of the Second-in-chief, the slick Vishnu. So obviously that Vishnu guy is the both the mother and the father of this four-headed bloke. And the wife of this four-headed manufacturer is a goddess named Saraswati, a goddess in charge of knowledge and also the head of the central board of education.

Under this Holy Trinity comes the Higher Order consisting of the sons and wives of the trinity and their relations thereof. These are the luckiest gods because unlike other divine faunae these gods do not have any duties and responsibilities. All they do is marry over and over, have orgies, reproduce in multiples of hundred, listen to the hymns and praises and play havoc with the lives of their devoted humans.

Below this Higher Order comes the Labor Class or the Lower Order. This consists of innumerable sundry gods. The head of them is an arrogant brutish lout calling himself Indra. There isn’t much to tell about this guy except that he owns the heaven and a white elephant – no, not the proverbial white elephant but a real, animate, white-skinned, divine pachyderm! This guy also has under his wing three of the sexiest divine females called Rambha, Oorvasi and Menaka. He usually uses their carnal charms to seduce and thereby foil any single-minded penances of anybody who threatens to pose a danger to him.

The Lower Order is usually responsible for the regular working of the universe. They are responsible for the planets and other celestial bodies to form groups and galaxies and orbit around large masses of glowing gases. But for them our solar system would long back have become defunct with all the moons deserting their partners for better and larger rocks and planets themselves roaming all over the damned universe overcome by curiosity. These Lower Order divine blokes take care of the energy distribution around the universe and keep it expanding until the time the Holy Trinity deem Project Universe to be an absolute flop and consequently disintegrate existing matter and begin all over again for the umpteenth time. So it can be understood that it’s a damned tough life being a god of lower existence. Constant vigilance and ceaseless activity is demanded of them; ever ready to provide some kinetic energy here, remove a centripetal force there, dividing an atom there, fusing a proton here, welding a neutron there and so on and so forth. Also, apart from the celestial duties these gods are also burdened by terrestrial responsibilities too. They are responsible for the birth, existence and death of all animate life found on our planet. Though it is the Holy Trinity that is called the Creator, the Protector and the Destroyer they are not to be bothered by the daily hassles of our mundane existences. This is, in fact, the job of the Lower Order. In spite of all the incantations, hymns, choruses and general ranting of humans in praise of the Holy Trinity the three members of the Trinity do not lower themselves to the concerns of microscopic creatures and their purulent civilizations, crawling over an unknown rock orbiting in some goddamned corner of the infinite space.

Anyway that, in short, is the basic structure of the divine order as described in the Hindu Philosophy. Now let us get on with the actual story which is the real focus of this agnostic narrative.