Mixed Vegetable Soup – Scene 8 Part II
‘Oh yeah, let me see you try it! Come on sissy try it, try it!’
Kung Fuc U got very angry and decided to fight him the ancient way – through chess. He removed his shirt and pants and picked up a bundle of clothes below the chair. They were his fighting clothes. He wore them and tied a black belt against his waist. Then he did some warm ups and chin ups.
Finally he sat down and moved the white queen against the lecherous pawn and the queen promptly castrated the pawn. But the black rook was just waiting for this opportunity. At the behest of Mixed Vegetable Soup he grabbed the queen and made off to the nearest bush. But the queen was a royal one who would rather take her life than let one dirty black outrage her immodest modesty. So she chewed upon a vial of cyanide hanging on her neck and died on the spot. The disappointed rook threw her off the board and went back to his position now looking longingly at the black queen.
Kung Fuc U was outraged. He kicked the sulking bishop in his butt and the bishop went rampant. He jumped up on the nearest black rook who was still mourning his dead gay partner and ripped his stomach with his bare hands, pulled out the intestines and wore them around his neck like a garland. The bloody scene made a bunch of black pawns puke and desert the board in haste much to the consternation of Mixed Vegetable Soup. Mixed Vegetable Soup then gave his other rook a crash course in his Naughty Maggot technique and the rook immediately crawled into the nearest hole in the white bishop and did a few naughty things to his interiors. The bishop fell but not before sealing all his holes with clay. The rook within drowned in the bladder and bloated up.
Kung Fuc U made a swift move and picked up the black bishop, two knights and the queen and crushed them in his fist.
‘Hey that’s cheating!’ cried Mixed Vegetable Soup.
Mixed Vegetable Soup was outraged. He now had only an indifferent king who was still whistling albeit nervously and the bunch of pawns who were still on the non-violent protest. He began to negotiate with the pawns – he pleaded with them, he threatened them, he placated them, he begged them but to no avail. Finally he thought for a moment and whispered something into their ears. Immediately the pawns broke into wild screams and went mad. They grabbed the nearest white pawns and chewed their heads off like a bunch of sadistic ape men. They then hollered loud and beat their chests like king kong and ran amuck. They tore their shirts and hairs and threw themselves on every pawn, rook, bishop and knight in sight. They broke the skull of the rook open and ate his brains. They tore the limbs of the bishop and force fed it to him. The knight jumped fiercely and his horse kicked one pawn to death. That made the hysterical pawns even mad. They all jumped on the knight together and began to plunder his organs like a bunch of fanatics plundering shops during communal riots. One plucked out the knight’s eyeballs and put them into his pants; one cut the nose off and stuck it over his own; one plunged his arm into the ribs and punctured the lungs and another opened the knight’s scrotal sac and began counting his sperms.
A desperate Kung Fuc U tried to grab them but a bunch of them jumped on his fingers and bit him savagely. Kung Fuc U gave a screech of pain and fell down.
Finally they fell upon the screaming white king and ate him raw like a school of piranha.
Kung Fuc U realized he was dying. He had never been beaten in a game of chess except by himself. So his brain was becoming braindead. Before dying he asked Mixed Vegetable Soup one question.
‘What did you tell those pawns that made to that savage?’
‘I told them if they didn’t pick up their smelly assess and fucked the shit out of the opponents they were all going to be holed up in separate cells along with their wives. That stung them like a swarm of bees. They were all henpecked husbands you see. This is my new technique called Ass-fucking Shrew! The shrews were not present physically but they were all looming in the harrowed minds of those pitiful pawns! Why did the chicken cross the road?
‘There aint no road at all! It’s all in the mind of the chicken and some dickheads like you. Hahaha!
The night stood dark against the sky and almost hopefully peered down the graveyard. And sure enough there was the pseudo-Chinese bending over the graves and pouring blood all over the stones. Again for the fifth time it missed the pair of eyes that were feasting on the sight and rolling in their sockets in ecstasy. Below the pair of capless knees almost grew back their caps.
Kung Fuc U fucked up!