Mixed Vegetable Soup – Scene 8 Part I
Day Five – Kung Fuc U fucked up!
Kung Fuc U was no light fucker. When he fucked he really fucked the brains out. It was fuck or die for him. But that’s his personal life, not for us to go meddling. Kung Fuc U was now in no mood for any fuck. He simply wanted to finish his game of chess in his garden and take a bath that was pending for almost a year. But the game seemed to be going on endlessly. It would when the competitors were equally ingenious or blatantly inane. And since here both sides of the play were carried on by one brain, it was very difficult to arrive at a judgment.
Kung Fuc U liked to play against himself. That way, he said, you still won even if you fucked up on the other side. But now he was in a critical position and couldn’t find a solution one way or the other.
One white bishop was standing in the way of a bloody black knight and taunting him like anything. And a black pawn was making amorous passes at the opponent white queen who threatened to castrate him then and there but that only meant being fucked up by the dark rook standing beside and casting hungry looks at her.
Meanwhile on the other end a bunch of pawns of both sides were holding a covert meeting in hushed tones and occasionally passing crude remarks on their queens and giggling hysterically. They had threatened to sign a peace treaty and retreat if their demanded compensations were not coughed up then and there. But the compensations were preposterous. They demanded they be each given, upon winning, a gold medal, an AK 56 and conferred knighthood. They wouldn’t budge even when an old bishop told them their demands were against the rules of the very game.
A white bishop was sulking alone in one corner because he was assigned the job of guarding the queen’s butt when he wanted to be in the middle of the action, slaying kings and all that. Another black rook was still in mourning because his companion and gay mate black knight had just been gang raped and killed by a bunch of fanatical pawns who were still taunting the rook from one side and the rook was unable to do anything about it because he still followed the rules of the game and never made one wrong move.
One king was blatantly indifferent to everything and was looking out at the garden whistling to himself while the other was busy negotiating a castle with the rook.
Now what Kung Fuc U couldn’t decide was whose team to side up with. On one hand he liked the stubborn stand of the white pawns for their demands but on the other hand he liked the looks of the black queen. As he was hovering indecisively, a voice spoke up.
‘What you need is another set of red army who can take these braggarts on both sides by total surprise and dump them on the guillotine in one whole bunch.’
‘That’s a wonderful idea! Eh – who are you?’
‘My name is Mixed Vegetable Soup. I am the son of Sweet Corn Chicken Soup and Shanghai Roll. Does that ring a bell?’
‘No, that doesn’t ring a bell. In fact I don’t have a bell, neither here nor inside the house. Anyway I don’t need a cheap looking pseudo-Chinese with cello tape over his temples to tell me I need a red army to wipe these pathetic dumb asses. I knew that already.’
‘I killed Snake in the Monkey Shadow, Monkey in the Snake Shadow, Shaolin Bastard and Taek-wan-don’t!’
‘They aint dead. They came to see me just a few days back. So don’t try to fool me. Now just fuck off from here!’
Kung Fuc U looked up angrily.
‘What did you say?’
‘I said Fuc U, Kung! Fuc U!’
‘Don’t say that again, I just might do it!’
‘Oh yeah, let me see you try it! Come on sissy try it, try it!’
Will be continued tomorrow…